You Always Restore

You don’t leave us broken. You always restore.

This tattoo idea came to me around a year ago. I knew that I wanted to do something with the large scar that was left after I broke my wrist a year and a half ago.

You may already know but the day I broke my wrist was also the day I had to say goodbye to someone really special. This person, although small, had a huge impact on me. When they left, I thought I would never really recover.

Then I broke my wrist. After months of being in denial of how much emotional pain I was in, I was given this injury. An injury that basically kept me in bed recovering and unable to do normal life for a little while. It was like God was making me learn to sit with Him and grieve. It was during this time that I finally let Him in fully. It was one of the hardest things I have ever learned. 

In the months that followed, I watched as God restored my heart. I saw myself able to love with a new depth, engage better with complicated emotions, and step more into who I was created to be. During that time, I said goodbye to Niagara and also a ton of anxiety and then said hello to Hamilton and a lot of freedom.

Things were not perfect. But slowly but surely my life started filling up with people and places that seemed to be sent straight from Jesus. Time after time, people who were hurting from the same things as me or who needed to hear the same words that I did just seemed to be dropped into my life. Whether it was someone who was also learning to grieve, someone who struggled from the same wounds, or someone who was learning to let God in a little deeper, one thing was the same:over and over again, I met people with whom I connected on a beautifully deep level. Over and over again, I was left in awe of who God is and His abundance of gifts. He is a giver of good gifts. 

I almost got this tattoo in February. But last minute, the timing felt wrong and I cancelled the appointment. 

I wanted to get it on June 17 (one year of living in Hamilton). And well… COVID…. so that didn’t happen. 

I ended up booking it for September 21. What a way to celebrate turning 23.

I am so glad I ended up waiting. For many reasons, I needed the reminders of this tattoo now much more than I did earlier this year.

You may look at this tattoo and think the meaning is obvious. And part of it is. God takes our most broken pieces, and if we let Him, He transforms it and turns it into new life and into something truly beautiful. He takes a shattered mind, a broken wrist, and a deflated heart and births something new that leaves you in awe.

For the past few months, I have come face to face with a lot of my brokenness. I'm not sure if it’s because of the extra room to think during COVID or because of other big changes, but it has become this undeniable weight. 

It reminds me of last time. I feel overwhelmed, broken, deflated, hurt and confused. It’s hard to see past where I am right now. But here’s the thing: when God brings you face to face with hard stuff, He doesn’t let you sit there forever. If you let Him, He enters in and picks up the pieces.

It also reminds me of last time because as much as I was consumed by brokenness, even more astounding was how God created something completely new out of it. I could not have predicted the ways it changed me and shaped me. I could not have predicted what new life would look like at all. God doesn’t just come to heal, but to restore. 

I will always have the scar from breaking my wrist. I will always have some of the scars on my heart. But just because restoration doesn’t make us look the same as before, doesn’t mean there is a lack of healing. He restores not just back to where we were but instead into even better than before. Even if restoration doesn’t look like what we expect, doesn’t mean it's not good.

This tattoo is a testimony to what God has done. It helps me remember a really special little girl that changed me forever. But it is also a testimony to what God will do.  The scar will always be there, but I choose to believe that God is not finished restoring me (He never is). I purposely left space around my scar to leave space for the restoration that is coming. I choose to believe that He is not done with me yet. 

If you are in the midst of a season that feels like you are drowning, I’ve been there. Not in your situation specifically, but I know that sometimes pain cuts so deep that you can’t even see straight. I know that it can be so hard to believe that restoration can ever come from a pain so deep and ugly. But it can, and I not only believe it for me… but I believe it for you too.

You don’t leave us broken. You always restore.