Pop it like a pimple - a response to all the feelings about COVID-19

yes a random photo that has nothing to do with COVID… I’m running out of photo content…

Last night I was sitting on the couch. I was minding my own business and all of a sudden I was PAINFULLY aware that there was a pimple brewing right by my eyebrow. It was the kind of pimple that you can’t necessarily see but you can feel it. It got to the point where any time I would move my face, I would feel the pressure brewing just beneath the surface. Finally, after a whole five minutes, I went to the bathroom and popped that sucker. The release of that kind of pressure is one of the best feelings, in my opinion. It made me think about how many of us have a million unpleasant feelings brewing just beneath the surface during this time of isolation.

Note: I think you probably see where my comparison is going. I realize already that there are some flaws in my analogy but hear me out.

I heard someone mention how profound it is that there is this one big event that unites us all because it affects each of us. Whether working or not, single and living alone or with a big family, this event in history is affecting each of us. Something that has struck me is how differently every person has been affected. It seems that every person I talk to has a different collection of thoughts, emotions and reactions. 

One of the most profound things I have learned during this time is that every person can go into the exact same pandemic and each of us dwells in it so differently. That fact is certainly something to reflect on when we consider trauma, mental health, and just about any problem we face in life. The fact that we each experience things so differently even if all faced with the same problem… Maybe something I can go deeper into another day.

But back to the pimple popping.

Each of us is experiencing so much (even in the midst of some of us feeling like so little is happening). We are all figuring out how we want to respond to this. The point I want to drive home is to find ways to ease the pressure. Some of us need to do nothing. Some of us need to do literally anything. Both of those are ways to cope. Both of those can also be ways to numb ourselves. We all need spaces to rest and to be a little numb (kudos to Animal Crossing for sweeping not just the country but also the world). But I also think each of us needs to find ways to release. Release frustration. Release grief. Release nervous energy. Release the million thoughts rushing around in our heads.

Release is one of my favourite feelings in the world. Whether it's just a pimple on my forehead or all the emotions and thoughts in my head, the feeling of all the pressure being released is amongst the most satisfying feelings. It can feel like finally taking a breath after feeling like you are drowning. The way you release will depend on what you need. Each of us will be different. For me, it was letting myself lay on the couch for a full day after an overwhelming week at work and not feeling guilty about it. Release looks like talking about everything bouncing around in my head to people to whom I don’t have to explain or defend myself. Release looks like giving myself the time to think deeply, feel deeply, and then write about it. Release looks like inviting God into all of my “pus-like” feelings.

With all of the pressure building around us, it can be easy to explode with any tiny squeeze. I am learning to find ways to release in healthy ways so that I don’t release in moments that will hurt others or be moments that are super inconvenient.

Note: Before I move into my next thought, I want to mention how important it is to see when release is necessary. Awareness is key so that you can learn to channel it in ways that do not attack others. Release should never be taken out on another person. Your need for release should not be at the expense of others’ wellbeing. And when it does happen, there is no good reason or excuse; there is only apology. Doesn’t matter if they are your best friend, your family, or your significant other, that is not how people should be treated. Ever.

I grew up in a lot of spaces that would be considered more “conservative”. Something that often felt associated with those places is a lack of space for raw and honest emotion. They emphasized reverence for God and they would interpret reverence in a way that always seemed unauthentic and unempathetic to me. Something that I have discovered is that there needs to be a balance of both reverence for who God is but also honesty. I think that without that rawness and authenticity, we are not truly letting God into everything that we are. I think it can be a way that we keep a piece of ourselves separate from God. In my experience, it makes it a lot harder for God to work in those deep heart spaces if we are not honest with Him.

Think about it this way: When you have a friend whom you know well, you can always tell when something is wrong. Sometimes you can tell before they even realize it. And no offense… but we are humans. We are each imperfect and broken in different ways. How funny it must be for the God of the universe to watch us try to hide our deep and dark feelings from Him. Whether or not you are aware of those feelings, He is. Whether or not you bring them to His feet, He knows they exist.

He is waiting patiently for you to be ready to release them. He is ready anytime you want to invite Him into those feelings. There is a reason He is the light of the world. He goes into those dark feelings and slowly brings light. He fights alongside you. But only if you invite Him. He wants to be your release. He wants all of you, not just the parts you have wrapped up perfectly with a bow. 

Sometimes, your emotional pus will explode all over Him, especially if you let it fester under the surface of COVID-19. Luckily, He can take it. Not because He “should”, but because His love is full of grace, kindness, and a love that never gets overwhelmed by darkness.