Be Filled

“God, I want more of you.”

Photo taken by Michelle Sypkes

For so long, it felt as though I was trying to convince myself that I was doing a good enough job in my relationship with God. But I have come to the realization that if you are trying to measure if you are good enough in a relationship, it’s probably not a very strong relationship.

Some of my favourite moments are of surrender. It shows vulnerability and usually expresses a moment when your heart is finally ready to stop holding tightly onto something that hurts you. In January of 2018, I had one of these key moments that I repeatedly prayed: “God, I want more of you.”

Story time:

Every year, my best friend and I ask God for a word over our year. I don’t even remember where we first heard of this concept, but it has definitely stuck.

In January of 2018, Alyssa and I decided to go on a road trip to New York City (funny story… we never quite made it there… we spent 5 days in Lancaster, Pennsylvania instead). We were both still waiting for our word and I remember feeling in my gut that I would have it before I got home.

On our way back from our trip, we still hadn’t figured out what our words were. It was a Sunday night, so we went to The Storefront (kind of like a young adults group but also not really). We walked in exhausted from driving eight straight hours and I remember feeling again that I would have my word before I got home. It didn’t come out of desperation at all, but rather from a place of peace.

As we began worship, a friend, Hannah, shared about how she wanted to have more of a hunger for God. I can’t remember exactly the words she used but I remember that everything she said spoke to a deep part of my heart.

I went and asked her if she would pray for me and expressed that I wanted more of God, too. She prayed and the song that was playing in the background and the words that she was praying suddenly came together and a phrase filled my head: Be Filled. That was it. That was my word.

In typical Lauren fashion, I had doubts. I doubted that I had heard right. I doubted that my heart was in the right place. I doubted everything. But as we drove home (FINALLY), I said to Alyssa: “I think I have my word…” to which she answered, “Me too!” And as we shared how God had worked in each of us, I had so much peace that this was the right word.

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit – Romans 15:13.

So that’s what I am working towards. Being filled. I want to be filled by God and through God. A big realization that I have had is that in order to be filled up by God, other things need to leave and get out of the way. But in every instance of letting go, the prayer that stays in my heart is “God, I want more of you.”